Be a Warrior - Avoid Toxic People

Our time, attention and energy are the most magnificent resources we possess. We must be intentional with these priceless gifts. No one wastes your time or zaps your energy unless you allow them to.

Also Published at:

We have three limited but valuable resources that we can choose to share with others. Sometimes we are willing and able to share them and sometimes we are not.

Our time, attention and energy are the most magnificent resources we possess. We must be intentional with these priceless gifts. No one wastes your time or zaps your energy unless you allow them to.

Plan your daily agenda in the morning and stick with it. If you pursue your goals with focus and block out anything not on your agenda, in alignment with your goals, you will be too busy for anyone to waste your time or zap your energy.

Time wasters include arguments, "issues," and conversations. Do not be derailed. If someone wishes to have a dispute with you and calls you at work to do so, you have the right and should choose not to participate. You decide how you spend your time and what you think about, talk about and work toward. Think about it like this. When someone attempts to start an argument with you, you can choose not to participate in the activity. Sit it out. You already set your agenda for the day. It did not include this argument. Stay with your plan, work towards your goal. It is not only your human right, it is necessary for you to work toward the agenda you set, if you wish to succeed . Any person who cares about you, loves you or supports you will absolutely not attempt to do anything other then support you in reaching your potential and achieving your goals.

Pathological people will waste your time and energy in many ways. Ruminating about chronic problems, endless discussion of negative topics, sharing a host of burdens, issues, undesirable situations they are in, reporting how others have wronged them, alerting you to problems with their job, family, partner, work or health, asking for your advice, claiming that you are beneficial to them, the only person who understands or they may tell you they "need" to speak to you about whatever it is they presented.

Sometimes they claim that they wish to help or assist you and use their "support" or "help" (that you did not ask for) as a means to interact with you. Be careful.

Negative people ask you if you are "okay" often. They call, just to see if you are okay. It can be implied that you have some problem that they are aware of. They have just manipulated the conversation to bring up something negative in your life and they have reminded you of something undesirable. Here you are at work, focused on meeting a deadline and they derail you by bringing you to the place they want you to be. When they ask you if you are "okay" what they mean is, they are not okay. By pointing out the questionable nature of your status, okay or not okay, they remind you that you can't take for granted that you are okay and that in fact, maybe you should not be. They are dragging you backwards because they are not okay. They pull you down to boost themselves. Cut that off. Someone who loves and supports you calls you to wish for you to have a great day and does not linger in uncertainty.

The same folks point out your flaws in jokes, to be helpful or honest. Sometimes these use flowery language to pull you in tight enough to tie you up. Do not fall for it. Your intuition will tell you when it doesn't feel right no matter what words they use. Its all toxic. Block it out. Its not in alignment with your goals and its not on your agenda.

If you are a positive person you will often attract energy vampires who will deplete and exhaust you. You may not realize what is happening until you are exhausted, tearful, sad, gloomy and feeling powerless. Energy vampires come in all different shapes and sizes. They often appear kind, inviting, understanding and present. IT IS AN ACT intended to lure you in so you share your resources. They will devour every ounce of positive energy that you have. You will be sucked dry. You will feel tired and a general sense of malaise when and after dealing with them.

Only you can manage this. It is never to late to disentangle. Even one small step away is progress to be free of negative people. Each step forward is a step toward happiness.

Negative/ pathological/ stagnant people actively seek and latch onto positive. Before sharing your time and energy, check out who you intend to share with.

Social media gives us some insight.

Avoid people who rant about issues however take no action to address the matters they rage on about. They are duplicitous. They are throwing problems, situations, conditions... things that "anger" them out there in order to get other people on a bad path. A negative, angry, finger pointing path.

They could do one small thing to make change. This is all their choice. They have a right to their choices. You have the right to not engage this.

Those people like to be angry and blame other people and situations for their own condition. That is negative no matter how they masquerade it around.

Be careful of who you seek counsel from.

Many charismatic leaders have dangerous and well hidden agendas. I know of one right now who seizes the vulnerable to propel a dark agenda whilst presenting as a leader, an expert and a savior. In time she will reveal herself. I hope the damage she causes in the interim is not great. It is not my duty, priority or goal to interfere in this process.

Check for consistency, reliability and wording.

The words we use describe our perspective which is a segway into our true character.

Leaders and productive people are in motion, action, they are doing it.

Negative people complain, tirade, create dissent but do nothing to facilitate change or movement.

These folks strike me as hysterical and I keep my distance.

I give myself permission to stay close to the energy that inspires me and avoid the people who bring me down. I do this for myself. I do this for my children.

Toxic people spray venomous negativity into the world, often commentary on politics. If they are able bodied there is plenty they can do to create change. They are invested in maintaining a victim mentality and perpetuating doom and gloom.

"Try" is not a word. A leader who tells you they are "trying" just described to you what they are NOT doing. They told you what they are doing INSTEAD OF ANY ACTION or MOVEMENT or PROGRESS toward a goal.

A LEADER HAS GOALS. A leader knows what her goal is and has the self awareness to self monitor and the confidence to seek constructive criticism from others. A leader welcomes the thoughts, insights, suggestions and wisdom of others. A leader values and cherishes the wisdom of others. She knows that we each contribute unique and important gifts.

A leader compares herself to HERSELF. She measures, tracks, progresses, prioritizes and assesses HER self in comparison with HERSELF. She NEVER, compares herself to another person. She realizes that it is not healthy or possible to compare people.

A leader knows, states and works toward her goals.

A leader inspires others to be the very best that they can be. She empowers the people around her.

A leader knows that success is not finite. There is plenty for everyone and the more success individual's feel the more we benefit collectively as a group, family, community, society.

If you do not know what your goal is what are you doing? What are you preaching? Who are you leading? Are you grasping at anything in order to cultivate a herd? Unless you identify, state and consistently work toward your goals, you are seeking to lead people for personal reasons that are hidden. Leading without vision and shared goals is manipulating for the sake of power. That is not a leader, that is a pathological, character disturbed person.

Positive people use productive and positive language to depict actions that they take. Actions are measurable. "Trying" is pretend. "Trying" is an excuse or injected to illicit sympathy. Having sympathy from people will not get you any closer to a goal.

Leaders may at times swear, shout and be passionate, loud, consistent and authentic. They are FOCUSED. They don't just talk to talk. They do not grab onto random topics and regurgitate them back out with a spin.

Listen to their message and see if it aligns with their actions. A leaders actions, the things that they DO are matched with their words.

No one is perfect. A leader seeks advice and counsel from others and goes to others to help her stay focused and moving forward.

A leader has her people, the ones who she is not afraid to cry in front of and admit that she is terrified that she may never get to where she hopes to be.

When she lands on her face a leaders friends brush her off and push her to keep on going even when she wants to sit on the ground, cry and accept defeat. A leaders people do not accept this. They give her a hug, pull back her hair, kiss her cheek and firmly send her on her way. They take back their hand, turn their backs and take two steps away from her as she marches on toward the finish line, picking up speed. They smile as she turns back to nod thanks.

Leaders have a way of finding other leaders. They form a pack. Each member is free and encouraged to pursue her own goals whilst having the support and love of the pack. The love is unconditional. Leaders spot the magnificent light of one another. These are warriors.

118 views0 comments